Manisha was shocked. It was the last thing she had expected- especially from Arun, her college senior, friend, mentor, and her most trusted confidant.

She kept tossing and turning in bed, shifting from side to side and sometimes sitting up straight. She was not angry, just shell-shocked.

'How could he? Why did he? I never thought he would say such a thing to me. Disgusting!' she muttered to herself every time Arun's words echoed in her mind. She could not close her eyes, and whenever she did, a silhouette of herself- just as he had described- appeared vividly in her thoughts.

Caught between restlessness and sleeplessness, she went to the bathroom, relieved herself, washed her face with cold water, and returned to bed. She patted her sleeping child and checked on her mother-in-law in the next room.

Her husband was away on an official trip to Tamil Nadu and would not return for another week. Her mind was restless and uneasy.

She picked up her phone to call Arun, but something stopped her. No matter how angry she was with him, she did not want to take things further. After all, he was the only good friend she still had.

'I will talk to him tomorrow morning. Anyway, he must be asleep by now. He sounded drunk when he called,' she told herself before switching off her phone and forcing her eyes shut, hoping to get some sleep.

The cuckooing sound of her father-in-law's antique wall clock broke her sleep. She glanced at her two-year-old child, still fast asleep beside her. She freshened up, gently woke her mother-in-law, and went to the kitchen to make tea for the two of them.

"What happened, Isha? You do not look like you slept well last night. Is everything all right?" Renuka, her septuagenarian mother-in-law, asked as they sipped their 6:30 am ginger tea with some homemade narikolor laru.

"Nothing, Maa. The October heat has just become too much to bear- especially during the night," she replied, avoiding direct eye contact with her mother-in-law.

Renuka did not poke further.

"Is your father-in-law awake? This man and his fixation for the night sky. Who on earth sleeps alone on the terrace just to observe it? This oldie and his obsession," Renuka murmured with a fond sigh.

Manisha smiled lightly seeing her mother-in-law complain about the man whom she loved the most.

"But Maa... didn't you fall in love with this oldie when he was a handsome hunk because you were bowled over by his knowledge regarding outer space? You, being a student of astrophysics yourself, were bedazzled by his observatory and explanatory skills, weren't you?" Manisha asked with a slight mischievous smile on her face.

Renuka, who was cleaning the dining table, paused for a moment, looked at her, and then both of them burst out laughing.

"I never knew then that this was his obsession, and not just a passion. A professor in English with a wide range of knowledge of outer space is always impressive, and I fell into the trap," Renuka added with a wide smile on her face.

Though they were mother-in-law and daughter-in-law by relation, the bond between Manisha and Renuka was more like that of a mother and daughter.

Renuka was a retired Physics professor, and her husband, Dhurjyoti, a retired English professor, while their son Pratim worked for a US-based pharmaceutical company.

Pratim and Manisha had been married for six years and had a two-year-old son, Mithu. Manisha, who held a B.Ed degree, worked at a high school near her house, where she taught Assamese.

Mornings were always the busiest for Manisha. Her day began with preparing tea at 6:30 am for herself and Renuka, followed by making breakfast, feeding her child, and getting ready for school. With both her in-laws retired, they looked after Mithu while she was away.

After returning home around 3 p.m., she would freshen up, change, and take a short nap before giving tuition to a small batch of five neighbourhood children. She was usually free by 6:30 p.m., after which she spent time with her son. Her husband, Pratim, typically reached home around 8:30 or 9 p.m. Being the senior zonal manager of his company, he carried a lot of responsibilities on his shoulders.

Arun was Manisha’s senior in college- when she was in HS first year, he was in his first year of graduation. Arun’s maternal cousin, Smita, was Manisha’s classmate, and it was through her that the two met. Despite an age gap of about three to four years, they got along well, became close friends, and often hung out together during their college days. When Arun left for Delhi to pursue his master’s, and with neither of them active on social media, their friendship gradually faded, and they lost touch.

Two years before her marriage, they unexpectedly ran into each other at a shopping mall. Arun was buying a blazer for himself, while she was with her cousins when they met in the lift.

A lost friendship, no matter how strong it once was, usually takes time to regain its old warmth when friends meet after years. But for Manisha and Arun, it wasn’t like that- they reconnected instantly.

After exchanging numbers, they began talking for hours over the phone, catching up on the lost years- sometimes so engrossed in conversation that even Pratim and Madhumita, Arun’s then-girlfriend, were left waiting on call.

Pratim knew about Arun, and so did Madhumita about Manisha. So when they occasionally found themselves waiting, they understood that the old friends were simply chatting away. No one doubted their relationship, which was purely platonic.

Arun and Madhumita used to meet almost every weekend. One could say he was her last-minute resort in times of need- whether it was dropping her at her B.Ed. college or picking her up and dropping her off for tuitions when Pratim or her younger brother were unavailable. It became a routine.

Sometimes, she would bunk classes or cancel tuitions to go out for a movie or a meal with Arun. And whenever Pratim or Madhumita used to travel out of the city, the two would set off to explore new places- she loved long bike rides, and Pratim did not know how to ride one. Those were their only moments together that Pratim and Madhumita knew nothing about.

"Are we cheating on our partners, Arun? I mean, here we are on this long ride, and they have no idea. Last weekend we went for a movie, then shared a beer- they don’t know about that either. This is cheating, isn’t it?" Manisha once asked Arun during one of their secret rides, after he stopped the bike near a roadside tea stall.

"It is all about perception. I do not think it is cheating. We are what, comforters. We aren't sleeping around or hooking up with each other, are we? But if your heart says so, then we can stop our secret meet ups. It is difficult to live with a guilt conscious," he replied, straight and direct.

Manisha looked at him and smiled faintly but said nothing.

"I have been asking this question to myself over and over again," she said, a little absent minded, as she took the first sip of her tea.

"And what did your mind tell you? What if I tell you you are overthinking? See, live life easy and free without carrying the burden of guilt," he replied, looking straight into her eyes, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Perhaps I am overthinking. Leave it. I won't bring up this matter again. The end," Manisha replied, hurriedly finishing her tea.

"Now finish your tea and ride me to the vantage point. The sun is about to set. I want to capture some beautiful photographs of the setting sun," she almost ordered Arun, pulling him up from his chair by his arms.

The vantage point Manisha referred to was their favourite spot, and they visited it quite often. From there, the Brahmaputra looked its most stunning, especially when the sky turned amber.

"There was a time when you could have owned me, Arun. But back then, you behaved like a gentleman. So why now, after all these years?" A tsunami of questions brewed in her mind after Arun's late-night (mis)adventure of the previous night.

"Madam, are you okay? You seem to be a bit off today?" Anju, Manisha's most trusted and beloved colleague, asked her during the tiffin break.

Although she tried to brush off Anju's questions and concerns, Anju's persistent probing eventually made Manisha open up and share everything.

"You should confront him, Ma'am. Otherwise, he might mistake your silence for consent. What a pervert he has turned out to be," Anju said, her tone laced with disgust for Arun.

Manisha nodded quietly, offering Anju a faint smile that assured her she would do as advised.

Generally, the teachers stay back at school for an extra 45 minutes to an hour after classes are over, discussing matters related to lessons and examinations. However, that day, Manisha di did not stay a minute after school. She rushed home, took a cool shower, and cancelled her tuitions for the evening. After spending some time with Mithu, she decided to confront Arun.

She called him after putting Mithu to sleep. He answered the call on the third attempt.

"What do you think of yourself, Mr? How could you even think that way? Was it you or your alcohol speaking last night? It is said that alcohol brings out the real person. So were you always like this? It is so disgus… Hello? Are you there? Answer me. Don't you dare to keep silent," she blurted out the moment the call was answered, before Arun could even say the customary hello.

"Listen, I can hear your breathe. Now, stop cut this crap and answer me. Why me?" Her anger had reached its peak, yet Arun was still silent.

She continued to vent out her anger and frustration before she calmed down, breathing heavily.

"Sorry," Arun replied in a faint, feeble voice.

"Sorry? Fuck you, man! Go and cook your sorry for dinner or make some snacks for your evening drinks. I want a proper answer. How could you imagine and dream about me the way you did? And on top of that, look at your audacity- you even explained and told me about it. Such a shameless fellow you are, Arun. Tch! Such a loser." Manisha was extremely pissed and angry.

There was still silence. Arun's deep, steady breathing was met by Manisha's angry rants, and the more he remained silent, the more her temper soared.

"Mishi," Arun finally spoke after gathering his thoughts and what felt like forever. He used to called Manisha Mishi- a name he gave her during their college days.

"Check your WhatsApp. Call me once you have checked it. And... I am sorry once again." He said just these few lines and disconnected.

Manisha's rage knew no bounds and she almost yelled at him after he disconnected, but she controlled her anger as she did not want her in-laws to know about it.

She opened the WhatsApp, there was an Arun's voice note-

"Mishi, I know you are angry with me. I know I should not have expressed my inner feelings to you- at least not at this stage, when you are settled with a beautiful life. Perhaps I have stained a beautiful relationship. And no, it was not my alcohol speaking—it was me, and I knew what I was saying.

I have carried this feeling in my heart- this image of you, and the desire to see you in this appearance- ever since our friendship rekindled after I returned from Delhi. The person you met in college was different from the person you met when I came back from Delhi. I don’t even know from when I have been carrying this feeling for you.

Perhaps I am wrong. Not perhaps- yes, I am indeed wrong, and you have every right to be mad at me. But… Aah. Perhaps I should have restrained myself, refrained, and taken this feeling to my grave. But then you would have never known that there existed someone who always had this special image of yours engraved in his thoughts.

Yes, to any girl, my depiction may seem overtly sexual, but for me, it is beauty- raw beauty. I know it was difficult for you to digest, when you heard that your most trusted confidant also checked you out and longed for the feel of your skin.

Today, when I gave deep thought to what I told you yesterday, I realised- it is because of people like me that women today are unsafe in this world. You trusted me with pure conviction, and I muddled that trust.

I am not justifying myself. I am only expressing. I do not have the courage to face you- neither do I have the courage to answer you.

I don’t know if this note makes any sense. I don’t know if I am making sense. I honestly don’t know what more I need to say or what more I need to share, after expressing my deep-rooted desire last night.

Mishi… all I can say now is sorry. I know ‘sorry’ today has no value. Sorry cannot rejoin this broken string- and I understand that very well.

Still… sorry, Mishi."

After listening to voice note, Manisha hovered her thumb over the WhatsApp keypad. Her mind was full with a barrage of questions and random thoughts. She found the voice note genuine. After listening to it for a second time, she reflected upon several incidences from the past when she felt Arun's changed feelings and attitude, which she chose to ignore then and which were making sense to her now.

'Was it...or is my mind playing a game, making me believe that it was, aligning everything from those days with the present situation? Fuck!' Manisha thought, shutting her eyes and trying to recall instances from the past which she now feels already gave her hints of Arun’s previous night's expressed feelings and desires years ago, which she overlooked and ignored then.

'Did he ask me to dress in a particular way, wear a particular colour, put on a bindi, or ask for selfies only to satisfy his suppressed desires? Dear mind, are you playing with my thoughts, forcing me to connect some non-existent dots?' she asked herself, as restlessness was rapidly catching up with her.

She called Arun once again. This time, he picked up the call almost at the first ring.

"All men are the same, aren't you? For you men, every woman, every girl is here to fulfil just one desire, isn't it? Arun, more than being shocked, I am sad today. Sad for believing that you were different. I have listened to your voice note and now, when I reflect upon my past, I realise perhaps I was somewhere responsible as well for having fanned the feelings in your heart.

Well, I won't deny it—I like teasing you. But perhaps I never thought of the deep consequences my teasing could have in the future.

But I am also happy and proud of you. At least you had the balls to speak your heart out; at least you never crossed the line in real life. Though I am unsure how far and how deep you have fantasised about me in your fantasies, and honestly speaking, I am the least interested in even knowing about it.

I don't know—shall I rebuke you, or shall I scold myself? I feel I am more to be blamed than you. Perhaps perceptions changed. Perhaps whatever was between us—the long rides, the tuition bunks to sneak into the theatres—perhaps all of those were the catalysts, and perhaps those acts, which I felt were sweet and friendly, were indeed acts of cheating. I repeatedly asked myself. I asked you on various occasions.

Yeah, I am sad. I am shocked. I feel disgusted today. Anyway, there is no point lamenting now. Things could have remained the same if you had remained silent, but now, after knowing it all, I can't act normal. So this is the final dot here. Goodbye," she said. She was calm and never sounded agitated or angered.

"Mishi," Arun said, taking a deep pause, his breathing heavy, the sound echoing in both their ears.

"Mishi," he tried again, but could not say anything more. The word seemed to break in his throat. His voice reflected a deep sense of guilt and shame, emotions he could neither hide nor fully articulate.

"Come on, Arun, be a man. Have some balls now. You showed balls last night when you expressed your wildest fantasy for me in stoic detail. Now why are you feeling ashamed? And ashamed of what? Ashamed for expressing yourself? Or ashamed for losing the opportunity to get closer? Anyway, as I said, I hold no grudges against you. Just that it is the final full stop."

Manisha disconnected the call.

This time she was huffing and puffing in anger, pacing the room for a moment, muttering to herself in a harsh tone, words forming and dissolving before they could make any sense.

She switched off the phone and buried her head in the pillow as tears started rolling down her eyes, dampening the fabric beneath her cheek. The anger slowly gave way to a quiet ache, heavier than she had expected.

"Everything indeed comes with an expiry date,| she told herself in a hushed and broken voice, staring into the darkness. She tried to sleep, but her mind refused to settle, robbed of rest by Arun's confession—untimed, uninvited, and lingering far longer than she wished it would.

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